I did it. I got a job.
And so far, I love it! I love my school, and I love my department. I feel very blessed to be where I am.
Week 1, consisting of 3 days, is done. And it was a success. I say this to remind myself as much to tell you. My first day was great. My second was just fine (I only had one class), and I went home that night with a great lesson idea for the following day. It wasn't until that night that I realized that the lesson wouldn't work.
I scrambled for new ideas. 45 minutes later, I had an even better plan in the works. This plan was perfect, brilliant, and I loved it until I realized that it wouldn't work either. Panic rising slowly, I formulated a third plan for a few anxious minutes before realizing that I didn't have the materials I would need. Defeated, I simplified some ideas that I had and stumbled to bed too late with an acceptable plan.
That next day, the lesson went just fine. It worked. But, throughout the day, I couldn't shake the feeling that I had failed. You see, I had seen, as if in vision, those other plans, each more perfect than the last, each tantalizing out of reach. I looked upon my acceptable work for the day, and all I saw was shambles in the shadows of my previous ideas, now mocking me in my defeat.
I went home determined to work harder. The shadow of shame followed me home. "Can I keep it?" I asked myself. Like the little child with a wandering dog, I wasn't fully aware of the responsibilities inherent in keeping such an animal. Fortunately, I got to see a few friends that evening who talked some sense into me. "You won't have any time to feed or take care of this new pet if you want to continue to work your big-boy job." They figuratively said. "Besides, you like your new job. You're good at it too, you just need to allow yourself to have a few bad days." Wise words. Kind friends.
The trick, I think, is not what I have always tried: working harder. When I feel defeated, "working harder" just becomes another unattainable goal, mocking my efforts as I grow more weary and more deadened to life. Instead, I need to work smarter. I need to figure out how to balance all that I need to do. Thus, plan "Work Smarter" was born.
Daily lesson planning will be done daily during prep periods. I will try to plan a week ahead of time at all times, whenever possible.
Reflection and emails will be done after class ends and before I go home. I will reflect on how to improve each day's lessons, make some notes for next year, and then leave those worries in my files at work before heading home.
Larger scale "big picture" planning for upcoming units will be done on Saturdays. I need to feel free of deadline induced stressed for this more conceptual planning to be effective, so I will reserve it for Saturdays when I have no other work responsibilities.
Grading, thanks to my team's innovated and heaven blessed checklist system, will mostly be taken care of in class, but I am no fool. I plan on doing whatever other grading I need to do in the evenings, with the assurance that my other responsibilities are being taken care of at school. I will try to keep these graded assignments to a workable, manageable level, for my and my students' sake.
Well, that's plan "Work Smarter," and I think that she will treat me much nicer than my temporary stint with "Work Harder," that shaming sneak.
