Learning and Growing

The emotional roller coaster is real.

Some days this is exceptionally hard, especially when I need to stay up super late finishing my lesson plans. As I predicted, planning is one of my biggest weaknesses. It takes me a long time to figure out what I want to do. I noticed that I was getting really jealous of my student teaching friends from other disciplines who say things like "I have all these ideas I want to try out!" while I'm banging my head against the wall for a few hours trying to put a lesson together.

I've realized though, that the stymieing nature of my planning sessions seems to result from my perfectionism. I seems that I am able to understand that my lessons don't need to be perfect, but I can't get away from perfectionist thinking while I plan. This is actually killing the creative process, because I reject ideas before I can develop them into something very worthwhile.

Also, every time I teach something new, I need to ask myself "what are the underlying concepts of this topic? What do I think is important about this?" As I become more aware of what it is I think is important about, say, argumentative writing or evaluating resources, then I can more easily plan for how to effectively teach those concepts.

I need to take the time before I plan to decide what is important to ME about what I am teaching them. Why is it worthwhile to evaluate our sources, and how do I subconsciously do that? When I consider these things, ideas come quickly to mind of how I could share them. It has become clear that what has stymied me in the past is not that I don't remember how to use proper methods and techniques or activities, but that I haven't allowed myself the time to develop my own approach to teaching that concept.

I should not plan activities until I have considered and decided upon what about the lesson's topic is meaningful and worth sharing. And, now that I'm aware of that, I can feel less stressed about the time that it takes. I now recognize that it is just another step in the process of planning. The difference between how I used to and now think about planning is nuanced, but I feel that it will help (and I hope that it's not so nuanced that I have failed completely at explaining it here).

It's okay that planning takes a while. It's not because I don't have good ideas. It's because I need to take the time to develop my own approach to every lesson that I am to teach before I can plan its logistics and technicalities. Not taking a default approach may take longer, but creating my own will pay off in the end.

I am, as The Aquabats! say, ...

The Carpenter's Maxim

My first week seemed like one big experiment. I had a vague idea where I wanted to go, but it kept changing. Each lesson drastically changed what I wanted the week to end up looking like, and I began to realize that I had neglected one of the first principles in teaching: begin with the end in mind. My final assessment kept changing because I hadn't thought it through.

My humbling realizations came to a head on Wednesday, when, after teaching my first period, I realized that my lesson plan simply wasn't going to work the way I wanted it to. I was tired from lack of sleep and frustrated that I had spent so much time planning the lesson and had to completely revise it for the entire day. I pulled my thoughts together during my prep period and found out that the goal for the day was workable and worthy, and that I simply needed a new plan of attack. I planned a new approach, created a new handout and made appropriate copies, and went into fourth period feeling confident.

When talking later with my mentor teacher, I brought up my weakness in planning, my uncertainty of the goal of my week-long unit and asked for advice. His suggestion?

• Determine your final assessment, what you want your students to be able to do.
• Ask yourself what they need to know in order to be able to accomplish this.
• Place the concepts in the most effective learning order.

His words of truth broke over me softly, like a gentle wave. Duh. I had learned this already.

I vowed to fend off future frustrations by planning the big picture before I planned the small stuff. To use the carpenter's maxim: measure twice, cut once.

I'm learning.

Rising to the Challenge!

Today I shared with my students an excerpt from president Reagan's speech about the explosion of the space shuttle Challenger.

For the families of the seven, we cannot bear, as you do, the full impact of this tragedy. But we feel the loss, and we're thinking about you so very much. Your loved ones were daring and brave, and they had that special grace, that special spirit that says, 'Give me a challenge and I'll meet it with joy.' They had a hunger to explore the universe and discover its truths. 

And I want to say something to the schoolchildren of America who were watching the live coverage of the shuttle's takeoff. I know it is hard to understand, but sometimes painful things like this happen. It's all part of the process of exploration and discovery. It's all part of taking a chance and expanding man's horizons. The future doesn't belong to the fainthearted; it belongs to the brave. The Challenger crew was pulling us into the future, and we'll continue to follow them.

My students probably thought that I shared this for them. My mentor teacher too, probably.

Well, I did, but I also shared this for me. Today I embarked on a grand adventure. I'm taking a chance and expanding my horizons. I want to explore the universe of teaching and discover its truths.

So far, I've had no major disasters. My students' discussions about reading today were sometimes lackluster, and I want to better implement a variety of discussion strategies to get them going, but it's all part of the process of pedagogical exploration and discovery.

It was a good day. I believe that a lot of students learned something, and they seemed to be interested in Reagan's speech and the excerpt from my memoir, despite a few hiccups. And though every day won't be without hiccups, some more disastrous than others, with any luck and a lot of hard work, I'm sure that the rest of the semester will be great. For the future belongs not to the fainthearted, but the brave.