Learning and Growing

The emotional roller coaster is real.

Some days this is exceptionally hard, especially when I need to stay up super late finishing my lesson plans. As I predicted, planning is one of my biggest weaknesses. It takes me a long time to figure out what I want to do. I noticed that I was getting really jealous of my student teaching friends from other disciplines who say things like "I have all these ideas I want to try out!" while I'm banging my head against the wall for a few hours trying to put a lesson together.

I've realized though, that the stymieing nature of my planning sessions seems to result from my perfectionism. I seems that I am able to understand that my lessons don't need to be perfect, but I can't get away from perfectionist thinking while I plan. This is actually killing the creative process, because I reject ideas before I can develop them into something very worthwhile.

Also, every time I teach something new, I need to ask myself "what are the underlying concepts of this topic? What do I think is important about this?" As I become more aware of what it is I think is important about, say, argumentative writing or evaluating resources, then I can more easily plan for how to effectively teach those concepts.

I need to take the time before I plan to decide what is important to ME about what I am teaching them. Why is it worthwhile to evaluate our sources, and how do I subconsciously do that? When I consider these things, ideas come quickly to mind of how I could share them. It has become clear that what has stymied me in the past is not that I don't remember how to use proper methods and techniques or activities, but that I haven't allowed myself the time to develop my own approach to teaching that concept.

I should not plan activities until I have considered and decided upon what about the lesson's topic is meaningful and worth sharing. And, now that I'm aware of that, I can feel less stressed about the time that it takes. I now recognize that it is just another step in the process of planning. The difference between how I used to and now think about planning is nuanced, but I feel that it will help (and I hope that it's not so nuanced that I have failed completely at explaining it here).

It's okay that planning takes a while. It's not because I don't have good ideas. It's because I need to take the time to develop my own approach to every lesson that I am to teach before I can plan its logistics and technicalities. Not taking a default approach may take longer, but creating my own will pay off in the end.

I am, as The Aquabats! say, ...